You can't motorboat a personality
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
