Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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