It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
