just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
