and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
