need another drink. this is the easiest way
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Your tits are I can't wait for
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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