I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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