Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
