why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
