Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
