I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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