This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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