My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
