The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
