Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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