So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
