Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
