im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
