Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
