Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
