I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
