As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
