My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
