I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
