Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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