using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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