then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
