onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
