I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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