I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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