I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
