I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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