Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
