Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
