I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
