i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
