I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
