i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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