i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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