The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
