if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
