Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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