Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
