I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
