Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
