So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
