She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
