hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
