We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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