Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
