is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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