Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He? As in you personified your dick?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
