I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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